I would be lying if I said I was never insecure. Let's be completely honest, what girl doesn't feel insecure from time to time?
I'm not one to read girly magazines on a weekly basis, but occasionally I'll indulge and read some Cosmo online. I basically just read it all for laughs, because I believe half the things they write about how girls should act/dress to get guys to like them are ridiculous. For example, I saw this article on how to be a good girlfriend, and was immediately offended by the very first thing on the list. I can't cheer for a sports team that I like? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean that I can't get into sports. And I'll drink as much as I want, thanks very much.
Any guy that wants to go out with me will learn and have to accept the fact that I am a diehard hockey fan and player. My social life revolves around my hockey schedule. Very frequently, I find myself saying, "Sorry, I can't, I have hockey." And I'm a huge, huge, huge New York Rangers fan, so on most nights during the hockey season, you'll find me screaming at the TV when I watch my team play. If you can't get over that, then we just won't work out.
That applies to everything. The "advice" that Cosmo gives its readers is ridiculous. Do this, not that; wear this, not that...honestly, I'm not going to bend over backwards or change my style just to impress a guy. Yeah, relationships require give and take, but they shouldn't require so much that you're practically becoming a different person.
But sometimes, when I'm on a Cosmo-reading binge, I start to wonder if maybe some of their advice is worth listening to. It's usually after I've been feeling down about myself that I tend to start reading their relationship and dating articles, because sometimes I feel like I'm lacking experience in that area. I've only ever had one serious boyfriend, and when it comes to pursuing a guy, I start to hesitate and falter and second-guess myself. Constantly.
I'll wonder what he's thinking of me, and wonder if he thinks, "Hey, this girl is a great friend, but not someone I see myself dating." Am I not girly enough? Is that why I find myself lacking experience in the dating area?
Then I catch myself thinking like that and pull myself out of this funk. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe my own words, but I try to keep telling myself that if a guy is going to want to be with me, he'll want me to be me. He'll accept my hardcore obsession with hockey and Harry Potter. He won't tell me to dress differently or act differently. He'll go with my mood swings and not run as far as he can in the opposite direction when I start to hit a downward spiral.
As arrogant as it sounds, I just need to remind myself every now and then that I am awesome, and no one can change those things that make me so awesome.